I took a DNA test…

Turns out I’m 100% that impatient.

I spit into the tube, I put it in the mailbox this morning. Now we wait. I still have a headache and more neck/back pain this morning. I am going to be anxiously awaiting these results.

I also looked into filling my migraine medication, as I have a prescription at the pharmacy. I thought maybe if it was reasonable I’d just pay it out of pocket. That was a big fucking nope. The price was outrageous and that was even using GoodRx. So I’ll wait till Friday, have my neurologist get it preapproved again through insurance and then hopefully have a reasonable cost on it.

I’m just sitting down to work so for the next 8 hours I’ll be working on a project simultaneously while doing my regular work. I’ll of course post this project here later once it’s done as it’s for you all and me.

Have a rad day x

Back by popular demand

So I know I mentioned in the first post that I am HORRIBLE at remembering to post on a daily… weekly… or even monthly basis. I am telling myself I will be better at this. So here we go. Things that have happened since the last post….

I got the Botox injections into my neck and shoulder. 100 CC, the lowest dosage. The effects lasted for about 3 weeks maaaaaaybe 4 weeks and now I am back to daily intense pain and even mind splitting headaches. I need to remember to write down my daily problems.

I also had my 4 month check up with my PCP and he tested me for RA. It came back negative which was very disheartening. My joints have definitely gotten worse in the past year (my knees, my elbows, hips, and ankles). I did just purchase one of those 23 and Me for the health testing. I curious to see the results it gives.

I am still going to work everyday, as I am considered essential. I am working in medical records in a Cardiology office. Unfortunately for me and fortunately for anyone who goes to a healthcare provider it is against HIPAA for me to work from home and have any HIM out of the facility.

I know this update isn’t much but it is where I am. Also my head is killing me today. I have been off of my Amovig and Trokendi due to switching jobs and now I am waiting for my new insurance to kick in (May 1).

If you have ideas of posts you would like to see or questions post them below. I hope you all have a safe and happy week x

Self Doubt is a bitch

Welcome back or just welcome if this is your first post of mine.

I thought I would go into a bit more detail following the xrays I posted over the weekend. I am very very happy with the quality of them. I am still slightly in awe that that is my spine, part of me thinks “eh that’s not so bad, you shouldn’t be in pain” and the other half is yelling “See! I told you there is something wrong!” I still have this nervous energy the closer I get to my appointment that I will be dismissed about my pains. It is an all too common practice in the chronic pain world for patients to experience rejection and mistreatment or lack of belief from doctors on multiple if not every occasion.

Honestly it probably goes back to my mentality of always having to hide my pain and spinal curvature. I remember when I was first told I was going to HAVE to wear a back brace for 21 hours a day when I was a preteen. That was essentially the worst thing anyone at that time could ever do to me. I was active in basketball and a cheerleader. I refused to do it. I had seen the other kids at school bully another girl at school with scoliosis who had had a spinal fusion. They were so mean to her and I know there is NO way I could ever be the subject of that negative attention. I dismissed and hid my disability. I didn’t let anyone know when I was hurting or that I even had scoliosis. I only wore my brace at home and that was only when I was not being a horrible teenager.

I have always shied away from my diagnosis from the stigma that comes along with it. It’s a diagnosis that is associated as something “my sister’s friend has and she is just fine” or the nerdy girl that gets made fun of in movies because she is in a full body brace. I have never had good self esteem and scoliosis definitely has not helped that. When I look in the mirror I see how the curves of my neck are uneven and one shoulder is higher that the other, I see that one of my breasts is very different than the other from my body pulling, I see that my hips don’t sit level with one another. I always turn to the side and see how far my shoulder sticks out and how ugly I look from the back in anything I wear.

I think the moral of the story is my self doubt. I doubt the way I look, I doubt that I will be taken seriously, and I doubt that I will find relief. I really hope someday I have all of these things, until then I guess I will fake it till I make it.