Round 2!

I went in for my second round of Botox injections into my neck and shoulders. I always think I’m prepared when I go in for the mix of pressure, pain, and burning feeling. It has caught me off guard both times now. Don’t get me wrong it is so worth it when the injections kick in. Just the first couple days and the actual injecting into my muscles suck.

They used 200 units this time. They used 110 units on just my left capitis muscles and the left scalene. Then put 70 units into my right trapezius, and 20 units into my right levator.

I always take my boyfriend with me to appointments because…

1. For moral support.

2. Because of brain fog, I forget things

3. Because on the days I have injections I don’t physically want to move afterwards due to pain.

Also he’s nice to look at when I’m in pain

The next couple days to week will be telling as to how well it’s working. I’ll feel like I have the flu for a couple days and then the good effects will kick in (hopefully). I could really use some good effects right now.

In the meantime I’m also try to get the rheumatologist on the line to schedule an appointment. My joints have been so angry lately. I came home from work a week ago and went straight to bed, even my finger joints were hurting. That absolutely terrifies me. That was the first time I had finger joint pain. I’m scared. I don’t want this pain forever. I want answers. I’m hoping I’ll get some soon.

Be kind. Be Helpful. Be the force of good you want to see in the world. #BlackLivesMatter

I took a DNA test…

Turns out I’m 100% that impatient.

I spit into the tube, I put it in the mailbox this morning. Now we wait. I still have a headache and more neck/back pain this morning. I am going to be anxiously awaiting these results.

I also looked into filling my migraine medication, as I have a prescription at the pharmacy. I thought maybe if it was reasonable I’d just pay it out of pocket. That was a big fucking nope. The price was outrageous and that was even using GoodRx. So I’ll wait till Friday, have my neurologist get it preapproved again through insurance and then hopefully have a reasonable cost on it.

I’m just sitting down to work so for the next 8 hours I’ll be working on a project simultaneously while doing my regular work. I’ll of course post this project here later once it’s done as it’s for you all and me.

Have a rad day x

Appointment Eve

So we have made it to the night prior to my big neurology appointment. I feel like the wait and anticipation is not only making me anxious but it is getting my hopes up for something awesome to happen to only be let down. I have been having nightmares about going to the doctor the past couple of days. I know, I know this sounds terribly cliche but I keep dreaming that I am roaming the halls of a hospital looking for my doctor and not being able to find him/her.

I spent most of my day at work today creating a sort of resume about my illnesses and pains. Yes, apparently I am going to be that patient. The one who overly does everything but I can’t help it when I am anxious. Here’s my make shift resume I created:

On a second page I typed a detailed history of my maternal and paternal known diseases and disabilities, along with my maternal grandmother’s information. I felt it help me to put everything onto paper and in one spot so I won’t forget anything. I also have my pain journal, my records from previous spinal interventions.

I am so nervous but I am crossing my fingers that I will receive encouraging and helpful information and it will be a step in the direction towards less pain in my daily life.

Some days the pain wins

Days like today I feel less than myself. I get upset that I have to deal with so much pain, on such a regular basis. It’s 7:30 pm and I’m falling asleep on the couch from pain and exhaustion while my kids and boyfriend eat dinner and watch a movie. I miss out on family moments because the pain steals me away. I know they understand and are used to it but that doesn’t make it any better.

I’m only 30. If I’m this exhausted now how tired will I be at 40 or 52. I don’t want to have this pain. I don’t want to have the responsibility of this disability. I know it’s the pain talking but sometimes it’s too loud to stop it.

Boob. Breast. Tit.

So while I am dealing with this daily pain, a new pain has arisen out of nowhere. I started having sharp, severe pain in one location consistently in my right breast. I have of course done the thing that no one should do and have googled the hell out of it. The first thing that always jumps out is cancer, but really what did I expect from the internet.

Some other legitimate options are a cyst, a clogged duct, or a pulled muscle (but I don’t feel this one is likely based on the type of pain). I have actually learned a good deal about the endless searching I have done recently. First of all there are two types of breast pain, cyclic and noncyclic.

Cyclic breast painNoncyclic breast pain
Clearly related to the menstrual cycleUnrelated to the menstrual cycle
Described as dull, heavy or achingDescribed as tight, burning or sore
Often accompanied by breast swelling or lumpinessConstant or intermittent
Usually affects both breasts, particularly the upper, outer portions, and can radiate to the underarmUsually affects one breast, in a localized area, but may spread more diffusely across the breast
Intensifies during the two weeks leading up to the start of your period, then eases up afterwardMost likely to affect women after menopause
More likely to affect women in their 20s and 30s before menopause as well as women in their 40s who are transitioning to menopause 

Breast pain is a very common symptom for many things but when it is time to be concerned is when it lasts for more than a couple weeks, it is in one particular section of your breast, seems to be getting worse instead of improving, starts to interfere with your daily activities.

For me, I am experiencing all of the above. Now to top it off I have to add on the fear that my grandmother had breast cancer at the age of 28, and believe it or not certain genes can be passed through family members that cause breast cancer when those genes become mutated. My mom has had mammograms since she was in her 30’s, as have my sisters. Naturally I have quite a bit of concern with my centralized pain. It feels like someone is poking me with a burning, sharp poker whenever I touch or accidentally hit my breast. Over the past weeks I have poked and prodded them in a almost excessive attempt to find a lump. Thankfully I have not found anything yet.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to meet with a GYN and figure out what the heck is going on. It’s just really one more pain that I don’t need right now. I will definitely keep everyone abreast of the situation.