It has been a hot minute since I posted. The reason for that is because of my never ending migraine. 5 DAYS! 5 DAYS of the left side of my head from the base of my skull to my teeth. 5 days of blurriness, pain, nausea, unable to comprehend thoughts or remember words. 5 days of shying away from any and all lights. 5 days of torture.
I am trying to keep everything as documented as possible, from using a daily pain journal to pictures. I have my neurology appointment coming up and I am sure many more appointments after that. I have to tell you, because I have essentially hidden my pain my whole life from people, that I am getting skepticism from some. I figured this was going to be my lot in life, pain forever. You know what, it still probably will be, but I am proud of myself for speaking about it now and seeking help.
Midway through the week, I was still pushing myself to get up and go to work everyday. I was useless at best there but I have no PTO or the time that I do have is already set aside for doctors appointments so I pushed through. It has been one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time. By Thursday I was desperate for relief, I didn’t care in what sense but I needed the pain to stop. Unfortunately that relief would be short lived, I am not sure what made my brain stop trying to escape from my skull but I got about 3 hours of relief on Friday morning and was so excited that the pain had broke. It was short lived though, by Friday afternoon I felt like tearing my hair out .
Saturday we had a lay in day with the kids. Pajamas, movies, and board games and naps. It was what I needed. One day of “relaxing” or as relaxing as life can be with 3 kids (11, 8, 7 ). I have to say it certainly was a rough week, ending it on a nice note made me happy.
I have been struggling with self doubt. I know physically the pain I feel but I keep having nagging thoughts “What if the doctor doesn’t believe me? What if they don’t help?” It is scary that this upcoming appointment may not be helpful. The what ifs are what keep terrified. I wish I could stop them, but I don’t think they will stop until I actually get there and have the appointment.
I am not sure how to end this post. It is very much a hodge podge of thoughts and word vomit. Sorry for that I have had a tough go of organizing my thoughts recently. I hope your week is fab!